ThIs SuBtItLe By:CoRrIdA 89
It looks good.
JAVlER: Yeah.
JANlNE: Yeah.
-He does good work. -Yeah, he does.
JANlNE: Very nice.
-JaVier?. -Yeah.
JaVier...
...if I asked you an honest question...
...do you think you could give me an honest answer?.
-I think so. -Good, good.
because I think some of your guys might be smoking.
JaVier?.
-ls that the question?. -Yes.
-Seemed like a statement. -The question part's implied.
I really didn't hear it in the inflection.
JaVier...
...have you guys been smoking...
...or not?.
No, ma'am. My guys, they don't smoke on the job site. They're good guys.
Are you sure your guys haven't been...
...sneaking around here?.
And smoking?.
And lying to me?.
And smoking?.
I'm pretty sure.
I need you to be honest with me, JaVier.
because I can't have someone lying to me.
To my face, under my roof, on my time.
That's a lot of prepositions.
I mean, there's no reason for that kind of dishonesty, is there?.
I mean, we made promises to each other.
I mean, we haVe a contract.
That's like making promises. Isn't it?.
Maybe I should get back to work.
oh, yeah. Right, yeah.
That's great, yeah.
-JaVier?. -Yeah.
We're good. Right?. You and me.
-oh, yeah, yeah. we're good. -oh, good.
okay, that's great.
Yeah, he did great work.
Hey.
Welcome, eVerybody. Thanks for coming. I'm Conor.
Sign in when you get a second. Make yourselves at home.
we got some cookies over here, some cold beverages. Help yourself.
conor, you are the Liza Minnelli of real estate.
-I know. Your friend Mary's a genius. -I know, she's so great.
well, I gotta go, so I guess I'll see you later.
What, you got a class, or...?.
Yeah. No. No, just something.
-Stuff I gotta do. coNoR: okay. well....
-I'll see you. okay. bye. -okay.
okay. bye.
-See you later. coNoR: All right. call me.
What?.
She's holding out on you, isn't she?.
Not quite sure I get your meaning.
It's obVious she won't sleep with you.
It's written all over your puppy-dog face.
-It's killing me, literally. I'm dying. -Here, haVe a cookie.
No, I'm cool.
I don't know what she's doing. I cannot read her signals.
We used to sleep together all the time.
That's not true. I don't know why I said that.
It wasn't all the time, but it happened. I know I'm not just making this up.
And then out of nowhere it just stops. but she still calls.
She wants a massage. She leaves cute messages.
But it's not going anywhere. What is she doing?.
Honestly, we may not have the best insight.
Gay signals have nothing to do with straight signals.
He's right. The signals are totally different.
Like, here. Here's ""l wanna sleep with you.""
one, two, three.
That's it, three seconds or more, it's on.
And here's "l don't wanna sleep with you."
one, two....
-Nope, thanks for playing, moVe along. -It's that simple.
You're right, that didn't help me at all.
All right, well, I can tell you this:
Gay or straight, you're not gonna get anywhere by being inactive.
She likes you. Maybe she just wants you to be a man and do something.
Hit me up with an oatmeal raisin, will you?.
-Thanks. -Here you go.
TRENT: If a girl's into you, she's sleeping with you.
If after a month, or two months at the very outside...
...she's not sleeping with you?.
She doesn't like you.
The trick is to spot this girl early.
Don't wanna waste the one to seven weeks waiting to find out it's never gonna happen.
So I've come up with some signs about how to spot this girl.
A girl will never sleep with you...
...if she calls you "cuddly" or "dependable."
If she pops a zit in front of you...
...if her name is Amber or christine...
...if she takes a dump in your bathroom...
...or she takes home leftovers on dates one, two, or three.
I know it's not scientific...
...but I'm just saying, you were warned.
Wait, stop.
What?.
bEN: Shit.
What?.
I am so into you.
Seriously, I've never felt like this before.
I have to actively stop my brain from thinking about you.
Like, all the time.
Why stop?.
Because I don't do stuff like this.
Stuff like what?.
Like sleep with women that aren't my wife.
First of all, I am not ""women,"" I'm just one.
And second of all?.
oh, I didn't have a second of all.
I was hoping ""second of all"" would make me feel better.
Second of all...
...I can't stop thinking about you either.
[ANNA LAUGHS]
He's totally leaving his wife for me. That's crazy.
That's crazy. we hardly know each other.
I don't know. I mean, look at Becca.
You know, my sister's friend.
one guy waits on her at bennigan's...
...and by the end of the meal, they both knew they had found the one.
You're right. You're totally right. I mean, it could happen, right?.
Not for me.
What about teSter?.
TeSter has yet to make Verbal contact.
I mean, this guy could'Ve had surgery, leaVing him without a Voice boS...
...breathing through a stoma...
...and I would never know because I've never actually heard his voice.
Well, I doubt he has a stoma.
MARY: That's not the point. I can't teSt.
You know, I'm not charming Via teSt.
ANNA: Maybe you should just stop texting.
but it's not just texting, it's e-mail. It's voicemail. It's snail mail.
That's regular mail.
WhateVer. None of it's working.
I had this guy leave me a voicemail at work, so I called him at home.
And then he e-mailed me to my blackberry, and so I texted to his cell.
Then he e-mailed me to my home account and the whole thing just got out of control.
And I miss the days where you had one phone number and one answering machine.
And that one answering machine housed one cassette tape...
...and that one cassette tape either had a message from the guy or it didn't.
And now you have to go around checking all these different portals...
...just to get rejected by seven different technologies.
It's eShausting.
what about that MySpace guy?.
-Jude. I like him. -Good.
Yeah, I felt like we connected.
Great.
What if she Wants you to kiss her?
Well, then I guess I'm just gonna have to kiss her.
[REclTlNG oN-TV DlALoGUE] "Amanda Jones is no minor leaguer...
...who'll be swept off her feet at the touch of your amateur lips."
[PHONE RlNGS]
This babe has plenty of battle scars.
Hello?.
oh, hey, you're home.
Where am I supposed to be?.
out, maybe?. It's Saturday night.
You won't let me go out with guys who don't like me. It's kind of limiting.
Right. Listen, I was just gonna leaVe a message.
I'm haVing a party neSt weekend. You should come.
oh, I don't know. won't conor be there?. Might be kind of awkward.
He's at a real-estate conference in D.C. But there'll be a lot of single guys.
So there will be plenty of chances for me to be awkward.
Don't worry, I'll be there. I'll talk you through it.
[PLATES SHATTERlNG]
okay, gotta go.
Someone just dropped like 84,000 plates. Maybe I'll see you there.
You're busy. I shouldn't haVe called. You called me.
-Yup, good. -bye.
KElTH [oN TV] : How--§ How do you work on it§
Pretend I'm a girl, okay§
I mean...
...pretend I'm her.
Amanda.
He's into me.
Awesome. I knew it.
-who's this now?. -Alex.
It's totally clear to me now. He's Watts.
-He's what?. -From Some Kind of Wonderful.
I thought Mary Stuart Masterson was Watts.
-Yes. -So why aren't you watts?.
I'm Eric Stoltz.
Alex is watts. watts helps Eric Stoltz go on a date with Amanda Jones.
Really, she's in loVe with Eric Stoltz.
So Amanda Jones is conor?.
I guess. At first. Now men in general, but that's not the point.
The point is he's into me.
I knew there had to be some reason why he was spending that time with you.
I know. It's so obvious now. There are so many signs.
Signs. Love signs. You gotta tell me about the signs. I love signs.
First they were small. At first when l called, he said, "Good to hear from you."
-Totally good sign. -Right?.
And then the next time I called he was with a woman...
...but he took the call and we talked for a while.
-You know it was a woman?. -called her "babe."
okay, a guy doesn't leave a woman to go talk to another woman unless he's....
And it gets more obvious.
I mean, please. There was no guy he was gonna fiS me up with.
The fiS-up was him.
No.
Yes. He shows up without this fictitious bill character.
The two of us basically haVe a date.
And then he calls and invites me to a party at his place.
JANlNE: He so likes you.
I'm so happy for you.
Let's look up places for your destination wedding.
How do you feel about Napa Valley?.
I have really always wanted to go there.
oh, he's cute.
Yeah. Smoldering but sensitiVe.
oh. "All I have is my guitar, these chords, and the truth."
BOTH: Bon JoVi.
-That's hot. -Yeah. I like him.
I mean, he probably hasn't called yet because we just had coffee last night.
-Really?. MARY: Yeah, you know.
I mean, we actually video ichatted while holding coffee.
But that's the same thing, right?.
-Right, right. -Just call your Voicemail.
Yeah, but he had a gig last night and he probably didn't get home till late.
-Did I tell you he's a singer?. -Mm-hm.
-Just call. JOSHUA: Oh, honey, no, on speaker.
I don't think so. I'm sure he hasn't called.
-Just call him. -okay.
REcoRDlNG: You have two new messages. GUYS: oh.
[BEEP]
JUDE [SlNGlNG] : Mary
Whoa, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary
Oh, my Mary
I just got hard.
Hey, Mary, it's Jude.
I was just calling to tell you again how special it was to meet you.
So call me back. Bye-bye.
[DlAL TONE]
Amazing.
NATHAN: This is good, this is good. -This is....
See, he called.
JUDE [SlNGlNG] Jenny
Whoa, Jenny, Jenny, Jenny
Hey, Jenny, it's Jude. I was just calling to--
Whoa, shit. What number did I just dial§
REcoRDlNG : All messages erased.
That one.
-You sure?. -Yeah.
No. It's a laminate.
-That's not real hardwood floor?. -Nope.
It looks eSactly like it. But it is like one one-hundredth of the cost.
oh.
I still wanna go with the real wood.
What?. You can't eVen tell the difference.
It's not the point.
Well, what is the point?.
I just....
I don't like the way it's pretending to be wood.
If you're not wood, don't try and look like wood.
I don't think that it's pretending.
This is a lie, Ben.
Just be up front and tell people what you really are.
okay, you're right. You're right.
I'm sorry.
It's okay. Maybe we should just go look at the grills and we'll come back.
okay.
I slept with someone.
-I said-- -I heard you.
You tell me this in Home Depot because you know I hate a public scene.
No, that is not why I'm telling--
I knew it.
-You asshole. -I'm sorry.
It is you that's been smoking too, isn't it?.
wha--?. wait, what does that even matter?.
HaVe you--?.!
Have you been smoking?.
No. No, I haVen't.
I talked to Neil. I told him.
He said I could stay at his boat for a while.
EScuse me?.
Now you're moving out?.
-You're, like, leaVing me?. -No.
No, I just assumed that you wouldn't want me to--
Aren't we gonna deal with this?.
Don't you wanna find some way...
...for us to work through this?.
I assumed that when I told you, you would want me...
...out.
Is that what you want?.
No.
okay.
WOMAN 1 : You're doing a great job.
oh, my gosh, it's bridget. Hi!
woMAN 2: oh, my goodness.
[CROWD CHUCKLlNG]
oh, what a beautiful dog.
Seriously, Devon, I really did feel just a moment, a splash, of hesitation.
No, there wasn't. There wasn't any hesitation at all.
pAlGE: You just did it again. That was a pause.
DEVON: I did not pause.
You must be Beth.
Yeah. Yeah.
Heard a lot about you from paige.
Actually been lobbying to sit next to her single sister for weeks.
oh, yeah?.
So you must be:
"" Dan.""
Sort of.
-Sort of?. -well, I'm actually a wiccan.
-A what?. -A wiccan.
Wiccan?.
-Male witch. -Right.
So I also have a magical name.
It's Brother PhoeniS East-Horse.
but I didn't know if that would fit on the card. Love that.
I'm guessing that I'm gonna hear a whole lot about you.
Nature-based pre-christian paganism, yeah.
Yeah. That's fantastic.
Well, where to begin?.
well, first off, it's not just a bunch of nude farming. Dad.
-Wow. -Let's look at Stonehenge.
obviously not a coincidence.
They didn't have the machinery to move those rocks. They're huge.
-Yeah, they're heavy. -of course.
[""lF I NEVER SEE YOUR FACE AGAlN"" BY MAROON 5 PLAYlNG ON STEREO]
-I'm Nathan. And this is bruce. -Gigi.
-Gigi. Hi. -Hey.
So how do you guys know Alex?.
we don't. our friend Mary heard about this from some guy named conor.
And how do you know Alex?.
I hope--
I'm pretty sure that something's about to happen between us.
BRUCE: Ooh. NATHAN: Oh.
So are you here as, like, a guest, or, like, his date?.
oh, I hate that. when you don't know if you're a date.
You don't know if you should bring a friend, or are you co-hosting...
...or should you stay to the end to have some alone time?.
He didn't say. I'm sure I'm more than just a guest.
-I mean, there have been signs. -cool.
[BAND PLAYlNG JAZZ MUSlC]
DoMlNlc: So where's Neil?.
We broke up.
-No way. -Yeah.
You guys were together, what, like 1 0 years?.
Seven. but still, it's a long time.
Yeah.
It's too bad cousins can't marry, because then we could maybe--
oh, Dominic.
-Gross. -No.
MAN 1 : Ken, are you okay?. What happened?.
woMAN 1 : oh, my God.
WOMAN 2: Ken, are you all right?. MAN: Just clutched his chest.
woMAN 1 : He was standing there and all of a sudden--
WOMAN 2: Ken, just try to breathe. MAN 2: Call 91 1.
BETH: Dad. EScuse me.
Daddy, what is it?. What happened?. What happened?.
-Guys, come here! LAURA: what happened?.
bETH: Daddy, lay down, okay?.
LAURA: Did he fall?. BETH: You'll be fine.
You guys, did anybody see what happened?.
LAURA: over there. Just go get it. -okay.
Hey, hey. I had no idea it'd be such a madhouse.
Hey. Great party.
Thanks. Did any guys hit on you?. A lot of them here.
You need me to evaluate any level of interest?.
They were gay. Even I know their level of interest was probably low.
ALEX: Hey, Skilo!
It's too bad bill couldn't make it. I know you guys would hit it off.
okay, right. "bill."
Right.
[CHUCKLlNG]
Listen, I gotta go make a liquor run, but the food needs some refreshing.
-would you mind helping and refilling--?. -Like co-hosting?.
okay, yeah.
Sure.
Just refilling the chips. They're on the fridge.
Thanks.
[TlNG TlNGS' ""FRUlT MACHlNE"" BLARlNG]
MAN 1 : Hey, sweetie, get me a beer?. -I'll get you another.
-Hi, guys. -Nice.
Hey, Linda.
[SPEAKlNG lNDlSTlNCTLY]
-Really great party. -oh, thanks.
You know, when Alex said he wanted to throw a party, I was like, "Let's do it!"
-Thanks for haVing us. -No problem, any time.
can I help you find something?.
oh, no, it's okay. I got it.
Thanks for miSing that up.
What?.
Alex asked me to get the dip together. Thanks for getting it started.
It could use a little more dill.
I'm on it, though, don't worry.
come on, my boy. Take it home.
Franchise player. My boy Marbury.
GlRL: Fifteen seconds. ALEX: Let's go.
GlRL: oh, a pass. ALEX: You work too hard.
well, I think I've rounded up the last of the beer bottles.
-oh, what game are we playing?. -oh, sorry, Nash.
-oh, come on. -come on, come on.
ALEX: Nash, you piece of shit. come on. -Maybe I should just--
-It's past 3, so.... ALEX: okay, swat it.
GlRL: watch this. Ready?.
-And.... ALEX: oh, no, no, no!
Yes. Suck it. Yes.
oh, you are-- You're sensational.
-Yeah, I know. -Jesus.
I don't know why I bother.
-Did you say it's past 3?. -Yeah.
-oh, man, I gotta go. Hey, good game. -All right.
GlRL: bye. GlGl: bye.
Hey, thanks for staying and helping me clean up.
I really gotta go to bed, though.
Is that an inVitation?.
What?.
[GlGl LAUGHS]
oh, God, that was cheesy.
oh, I'm not good at this.
What?.
ALEX: Hey.
oh, yes. I knew it.
The best relationships grow out of friendships.
Wait, wait, wait. Gigi.
Wait, wait, wait.
What?.
Now you and I are in a relationship?.
well, I'd say if we're not at relationship station-ship...
...we're at least on the track.
And why exactly would you think that?.
Because of the signs.
Really, like what?.
Like, it was good to hear from me...
...and you talked to me even when you were with a girl...
...and I felt something.
oh, man.
what are you talking about?.
Gigi, what have I been saying since I met you?.
If a guy wants to date you, he will make it happen, okay?. He will ask you out.
Did I ask you out?.
No.
why would you do this?.
oh, shit.
Why do women do this?. Build up this stuff in their minds...
...take each little thing a guy does, and then twist it into something else?.
It's insane.
I'd rather be like that than be like you.
EScuse me?.
What is that supposed to mean?.
I may dissect each little thing...
...and put myself out there too much...
...but at least that means I still care.
oh, you think you've won because women are expendable to you?.
You may not get hurt or make an ass of yourself that way...
...but you don't fall in love that way either.
You haVe not won.
You're alone, AleS.
I may do a lot of stupid shit...
...but I know I'm a lot closer to finding someone than you are.
bETH: Do you want anything else?.
Yeah, less of the cardboard crap and more regular people food.
Well, that cardboard crap is what we call whole-wheat toast.
well, maybe you could just fry me up a couple of sausage links.
people who have just had a heart attack are generally not advised...
...to have animal fat that's been stuffed into a synthetic casing.
[CHUCKLES]
[VAN MORRlSON'S ""l GOT A WOMAN"" BLARlNG ON RECORD PLAYER]
STEVEN: Hey, beth. Grab me a beer when you get to the kitchen, okay?.
And a little plate of cold cuts, if there are any left.
Hey, would you guys please just turn that down a bit?. Dad's trying to sleep.
You think he wants to hang on to this vinyl?.
My collection could use a lot of these.
would you just turn it the fuck down?.
Well, we're totally out of toilet paper...
...and all we have left to eat is some old jelly and some ramen noodles.
And our new brother would like to co-opt Dad's property before he's even dead.
Laura, also your husband would really like another beer...
...to go with his fifth consecutive hour of the golf network.
Are you okay?.
[CRYlNG]
Don't worry, honey, Dad's gonna be fine.
GlGl: Do you know who it is?. -No.
Doesn't matter.
So are you gonna leave him?.
Gigi, he's my husband.
He's not some guy who didn't call me back.
He did admit it to me.
He didn't wait to get caught, which takes courage, you know?.
I'm sorry, I didn't mean that.
I didn't mean it.
I know that Alex wasn't just some guy.
oh, it's okay.
It's my fault, you know.
What?.
oh, I just think I need to take responsibility for my share in the whole...
...mess. You know?.
I forced him into getting married.
-You know, he wasn't ready. -Janine, this isn't your fault.
No, it is. It is, l'Ve changed.
I was...
...fun, you know?.
I was fun when we first met.
You're still fun.
[SlGHS]
We don't haVe seS anymore.
Lots of couples go through lulls.
No, I mean...
...we neVer haVe seS.
[JANlNE CRYlNG]
I mean, realistically, what do I eSpect him to do, you know?.
I don't think that's really....
God, this tile is too small.
I haVe to tell JaVier.
-What?. -This tile is too small.
I gotta go. I have to take a personal day, if anyone asks.
MARlEL: Well, my first husband was unimpressiVe.
I found him in bed with his big-breasted secretary...
...when I came home early from the Maldives.
It was just so unoriginal.
Made me feel sorry for him.
My second husband was a pinch more creatiVe.
cheated on me with my sister...
...but made me believe that I was insane for being suspicious.
So at least some mind games, some intrigue.
but my last husband, he was a gem.
He was a veritable master at covering his tracks.
I mean, I pored oVer his phone records, I intercepted his credit-card bills...
...I had him followed on numerous occasions...
...and never found a single shred of evidence.
It wasn't until he died...
...that I found out about the property he owned with his Austrian mistress.
But the real master, I haVe to say, is me.
Three husbands, countless boyfriends, I haVen't been caught yet.
ANNA: oh, my God. oh, my God.
-oh, my God, oh, my God. I can't-- -Shh.
BEN: It's oVer there.
ANNA: oh, my God.
He liked the demo. I can't belieVe it.
It's unbelieVable.
Did you hear when he said that it was hauntingly beautiful?.
Yeah, I was there. I was--
I was there, baby.
Thank you.
[KNOCKlNG ON DOOR]
Dana, I'm working. I'm still going over some offering statements. You gotta--
You gotta come back later.
JANlNE: It's not Dana.
Is that your--?.
-ls that your--?. -Shh.
[wHlSpERlNG] can you get in the closet?.
-Get in the closet. -what?.
Just go in the closet for a second. Just for a second.
Ben?.
I keep telling Dana to get that damn lock fixed.
JANlNE: why do you even bother locking it?. -what?.
JANlNE: why do you bother locking it?.
oh, you know I can't get any work done if I don't.
-Hey. -Hi.
-can I come in?. -Yeah, of course.
what are you doing?.
JANlNE: Sit down.
bEN: okay.
Hon?.
what are you doing?.
I don't know. I just thought...
...maybe we could--
-Sorry. -Are you okay?.
JANlNE: Maybe if you just go over there.
Just trying to...
...you know, re-light the fire.
oh, honey.
Didn't you hear what I said before?. I really gotta finish these offerings.
Look...
...I'm really trying here.
Do you wanna save our marriage?.
of course.
Me too.
Tyrone, you cover 4 through 6 and pitch in with the bussers when you can.
Wait a minute. I'm on 8 through 1 0.
Hey, I been working here 1 8 months, 8 through 1 0.
ALEX: Minor oversight.
Luis, you coVer 4 through 6, then.
Dude, Luis quit like 1 0 months ago.
[WORKERS CHUCKLlNG]
MAN: Yeah, he quit.
Is there any reason we're eVen haVing this meeting?.
Not really.
-No, not for me. ALEX: Great. Good. Great.
Meeting adjourned.
Back to work.
Hey, Kelli Ann.
Did I get any calls?.
Since you asked me 1 1 minutes ago, no. Not a lot of phone traffic.
-oh, my God. -what?.
What's her name?.
Who?.
The girl, AleS.
There's no girl.
You can't hide it, man.
I know strung out and you are strung out.
okay, please.
KELLl ANN: This is amazing.
You can't focus, right?.
Jumping every time your phone rings, checking your e-mail 1 00 times a day...
...wishing you could write songs.
No, feeling the need to bring up her name in random conVersations.
It's always the same and it has happened to you, my friend.
Shit.
Welcome to my world, asshole.
Let me get the door.
Sure I can't interest you in a little beef and broccoli?.
I gotta finish this stuff.
okay.
-Yeah. So I'll see you at home. -okay.
I loVe you.
I loVe you too.
-okay. I'll see you later. okay, bye. -bye.
-You make me sick. -I had no choice.
-You're a disgusting eScuse for a man! -What was I supposed to do?.
-You're the one I wanna be-- -Don't touch me!
You will neVer touch me again.
Dino, thanks again for letting me pay over the phone.
I assure you this late-payment thing will never happen again.
Yep, just trying to trim some of the drama out of my life.
[BEEPlNG]
oh, that's my other line.
okay, bye.
-Hello?. blLL: Hi, Gigi§
This is Bill.
-bill...?. -Alex's friend.
We were supposed to meet up but Alex told me the wrong day.
Bill, so you do eSist.
I do.
And I'd love to buy you dinner sometime if you're still game.
Yes.
Sure, why not?.
[KNOCKlNG ON DOOR]
Hey.
coming, I'm coming, I'm coming.
Hi. Hi, sweetie.
See, why did you just call me "sweetie"?.
-We always call each other that. -Why?.
All right, look, I wanna say something, okay?.
we call each other "sweetie" all the time.
And we fall asleep on the phone after talking for hours.
I washed your hair for you after you had shoulder surgery and everything.
And it's like we're together.
-I know that l'Ve been-- -No, hold on a second.
Let me finish.
I think maybe this is my fault...
...because maybe I wasn't clear about exactly what I want.
So let me-- Let me be clear.
I loVe hanging out.
But I'm so attracted to you. I just-- I want both.
I don't know what happened or why we stopped. I don't care.
okay.
-what?. -okay.
No, I'm talking about really doing this. Like a full-on relationship.
Right.
With me.
Yeah.
A bunch of gay people put you up to this?.
Stop talking.
DEVoN: Stay home. It's an end-around. GEoRGE: No, no, it's not. He's still got it.
He's still got it.
STEVEN: Shit. -who let that happen?. It's embarrassing.
GEoRGE: Argh! DEVoN: That is so embarrassing.
What?.
Did any of you guys have a chance to get to the store?.
oh, yeah, no. we're good, we got takeout.
No, I didn't mean for you, I meant f--
GEoRGE: All right, here we go. -come on, defense, wake up.
You haVe to be kidding me.
I just got a little bit more of this I gotta finish.
There's some laundry I'm gonna put away...
...then I had another load of clothes in the dryer.
I did get some of the food your dad likes, but some healthy stuff too.
Just, you know.
It's gonna be okay.
It'll be okay.
[CAR ALARM CHlRPS]
[HAMMERlNG]
bend your knee a little bit more. There you go.
Inhale, reVerse warrior, look up.
EShale.
[PHONE RlNGlNG]
Hi, you've reached Ben 's cell phone. Please leave--
[SlGHS]
You lying sack of shit!
[SCREAMlNG]
Lying!
Sack!
Shit!
okay.
[PHONE RlNGlNG]
GlGl: --or call my cell, or try me at work...
...but definitely leave a message here first. Thanks.
Hey, Gigi, it's Alex.
How's it going?.
Just wondering how you're doing.
I haVen't talked to you in a little while...
...and was just wondering how you're doing.
So, hey, I was hoping to talk to you.
obviously.
but you're out, I guess.
So just call me sometime.
or tonight.
I'm around, I'll be-- Well, I'm in and around.
So that's enough for now.
It's AleS.
okay.
Dude.
I know.
Hey.
Welcome aboard.
Might I come aboard?.
Yeah. You remember the boat.
Well, you know, I thought I did.
-or, you know, little.... -but it's been a while.
You know that dock?. over there, there's a boat that looks just like yours.
NElL: Uh-huh. -It's not yours.
-No, that's not my boat. -It's definitely not.
but there's a very nice gentleman...
...IiVing on the boat...
...who invited me in for a white-wine spritzer.
oh, good.
Wasn't eSpecting Visitors.
That's all right. I just wanted to just come by and say thanks...
...for helping yesterday.
Beth, you know, I'm the same person.
I would do anything for you.
I just can't give you....
I just can't give you what you want.
You're what I want.
our life together is what I want.
I miss it.
I miss you.
You see those guys my sisters are married to--
You're more of a husband to me, not being married...
...than those real husbands are ever gonna be, and....
It's enough. It's really enough for me.
And you would be willing...
...to take the whole marriage thing off the table completely?.
If you promise to commit to me and to love me, and--
-I already haVe. -I'm not finished.
okay. All right.
-but I've loved you for seven years-- -Ah-ah.
okay.
You have to snake the drain when my hair gets clogged.
You know that happens. Okay?.
okay. Yeah.
And also...
...you haVe to let me eat those Wheat Thins in bed. You gotta giVe me that.
-okay, fine. All right. -okay?.
And....
-Yeah. -And?.
-That's it. -okay.
Do I get to come home now?.
I guess you can.
But these cannot come.
-What, my pants--?. -That's correct.
-can't come home?. why?. -No.
You just won a really big battle, my friend. come on.
So we're not gonna get married, but I have to get rid of my pants.
Mm-hm. And we both win.
All right. I'll get rid of them if you like.
You're getting a lot of bids on this place?.
Yeah. I know it's crazy, but it's a neighborhood in transition.
Is that like young, hip, gay couples or something like that?.
Yeah. Hip gay people, young couples, young families.
ANNA: wow.
God, this reminds me of where I grew up.
I bet it's got one of the--
Wait a minute.
oh, yeah.
Yeah, that's it.
We used to haVe the eSact same one...
...except my mom used it as a desk.
So...
...when do all the fabulous people arriVe?.
well, actually, the open house is tomorrow.
But I haVe this one buyer...
...and I wanted to make sure his girlfriend likes it first.
oh, he has a girlfriend, huh?.
Yeah, I haVe an idea.
For this house.
For me.
And hopefully, if you like it...
...and things continue to, you know....
Anna...
...I haVe a plan, okay?.
I know where my life is going, and I want you to go with me.
I'm not saying I want you to move in right now...
...but I don't want to buy this place unless, at some point...
...you could see yourself moving in.
So, what do you think?.
I can't do this.
okay.
Well, if it's too fast, I guess we can always just--
I can't do any of this.
I mean...
...what you're saying and what you're offering...
...is what every girl wants.
It's what I always wanted.
It's just....
You don't want it with me.
okay.
I haVe a question.
Is there any way we could...
...dial it back to before, when we were just sleeping together...
...because I don't know, I felt like that gelled.
Babe?.
It was nice meeting you.
Thank you so much for a lovely evening.
You too.
Good night.
[KNOCKlNG ON DOOR]
You forget something?.
Yeah, I did.
Really?. what did you forget?.
This.
You came all the way here at 1 1 :00 at night to bring me back a promotional pen?.
Yeah.
I thought I should just come up with some really great excuse to get over here.
That's how it's done, isn't it?.
Sometimes.
Look, I can't stop thinking about you.
It's a problem.
I drive by your place, I call and hang up.
I'm turning into--
Me.
Yeah.
A wise person once told me...
...that if a guy wants to be with a girl he will make it happen, no matter what.
That's true.
but when I was hurling my body onto yours...
...you did not seem to want to make it happen.
Yeah, all right. Here's the thing about that:
You were right.
I've gotten so used to keeping myself at a safe distance from all these women...
...and having the power...
...that I didn't know what it felt like...
...when I actually fell...
...for one of them.
I didn't know.
Look, I just went out with your friend bill and....
Yeah.
He might be just eSactly what I need.
No drama.
He calls, he does what he says.
-I can do that stuff too. -But you didn't.
And that same wise person told me that I am the rule.
That I have to stop thinking that every guy will change.
That I haVe to stop thinking that--
I'm the eSception.
You are my eSception.
[PHONE RlNGS]
conor barry.
Hi, it's Mary at the blade.
I'm looking at your new ad and I loVe it.
Really?. You don't think the muscle T is too much?.
I think the shirt you're wearing now is probably more you.
What, you here?.
I'm sitting right in front of you.
[MARY LAUGHlNG]
Wow, this is you. Mary.
It's me.
I'm me.
Should l--?.
-please. please. -Okay.
-Talk to you in a minute. -See you in a second.
okay.
Hey.
-Hi. -How are you?.
It's nice to finally meet you.
-You too. -ln person.
This is a pleasant surprise.
-You.... -What?.
-I don't know. Not what I expected. -My voice doesn't match my face?.
coNoR: Your voice does not match your face in a good way.
In a-- Yeah, I mean-- That sounded terrible.
Amazing.
I don't know how all this stuff fit in here before.
I know. It seems like it just eSpanded.
You are not trying to get these back in here.
-You are not getting rid of these pants. -We had a deal, mister.
These are not staying.
-You can store those horizontally. -Goodwill wouldn't even take these.
They could be pressed, flattened, you can--
If you're gonna throw them out, at least check the pockets, all right?.
So you don't throw away some personal items.
I loVe you so much.
So much.
And I wanna make you happy.
I need to make you happy...
...for me to even have a shot at being happy.
will you marry me?.
Yes, of course I will. Yes.
Yes.
NElL: Thank God.
GlGl: Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up:
If a guy punches you, he likes you.
Never try to trim your own bangs.
And someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending.
--and your commitment to each other.
GlGl : Every movie we see, every story we 're told...
...implores us to wait for it.
The third act twist: The unexpected declaration of love.
The exception to the rule.
But sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending...
... we don 't learn how to read the signs.
How to tell the ones who want us from the ones who don 't.
The ones who will stay from the ones who will leave.
-Hi. -Hi.
GlGl : And maybe this happy ending doesn 't include a wonderful guy.
Maybe it's you...
...on your own...
...picking up the pieces and starting over.
Freeing yourself up for something better in the future.
Maybe the happy ending is just...
...moving on.
baby, what are you doing?. It' s our turn. Forget the dip. come on, come on.
MAN: Let's go, AleS.
come on, Alex, your turn.
Ready?. LOL.
Laugh out loud! We won!
GlGl: Or maybe the happy ending is this:
Knowing that through all the unreturned phone calls and broken hearts...
...through all the blunders and misread signals...
... through all of the pain and embarrassment...
... you never, ever gave up hope.
NElL: Now that we are married....
BETH: We 're gonna moVe.
Gonna move. That's one thing we 're gonna do.
Another thing we 're gonna do is move a little further away from....
-Baltimore§ - Your sisters.
JANlNE: I mean, everyone makes mistakes.
I've started trying to figure out what I wanna do, who I wanna be, you know§
Probably seems the wrong time to do that, but why not§ You know, why not§
Better later than never.
I'm dating now.
MAN: What do you miss most about marriage§
Have you been married§
MAN: Yes, I'm married.
- You are married§ MAN: I am married.
And what's your question§
MARY: We're heading there, is that fair§ coNoR: It's moving fast. Just on our way.
I like him, I'll say that L word.
That's true, it does start with an L. Yeah.
I like her a lot, so....
-Good, I'm glad. [MoUTHlNG] I love her. I love her.
ANNA: You know, what I've been focusing my energy on...
...is like a self-discovery, as opposed to dating.
I don 't know. Maybe dating 's a little overrated.
Good friend of mine and I are going to India for a few months.
We're going on a yoga retreat.
ALEX: I really genuinely love this person--
He had asked me to co-host this party...
...and I stayed after.
I was trying to help you out because there was this girl who would not leave...
-... that tall girl. -Right. She was gross.
I was trying to--
She was-- Come on.
ThIs SuBtItLe By:CoRrIdA 89 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED BY ME 2009 DON'T REMOVE MY NAME